The Guiness Pig Diaries

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Paradoke - A Few of the Things that are Woke

Something Fishy This Way Comes

If you’re missing the unity and hope we shared during the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic, do not despair. There’s still a tiny little bit of it left on the web, courtesy of the Dutch.  I recently came across the website for the Visdeurbel (Fish Doorbell) in

The Mothman Prophecies: A Movie Recap/Review with Unexpected Insights for the Covid-Conscious from a West Virginia Cryptid

If you’re like me, you remain nostalgic for the unity and hope we shared during the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic. One thing I don’t miss? The struggle to find quality entertainment. Unplugged from our usual pastimes and hangouts in social settings, many of us became more

For the Covid-Conscious, Our Fundamental Weakness Isn’t Empathy. It’s Enabling.

In the children’s book ‘The Giving Tree’ by Shel Silverstein, a tree loves a boy.  She gives him shade. She gives him apples. She lets him swing from her branches. Eventually the boy grows up and wants to build a house, so she lets him cut off her branches.

Jesus Would Mask - A Poem

As you fast and you pray In this season of Lent As you sacrifice comforts And humbly repent There’s one extra thing You could reasonably do Mask up to save lives Just as Jesus saved you   It was five years ago When a virus arrived Upending the world, Claiming

Dear Friend Who is Worried About H5N1...

Dear friend who is worried about H5N1, You’re certainly not alone. I’m worried about H5N1 too. By now you’ve probably heard about it on the news or in your social media feed. You’ve seen videos of cow carcasses piled by the side of the road and

Laughing When Things Aren't Funny

In October of 2023, Pete Davidson delivered an uncharacteristically poignant monologue on Saturday Night Live. He spoke of the trauma of losing his father, a firefighter who died while responding to attacks on the twin towers on 9/11, and how it cast him into a deep depression throughout much

So Many Things To Love

If you’re like me, it’s hard to fathom we’re headed into the 6th year of the Covid-19 pandemic. It's even harder to accept that the rest of the world is more committed than ever to ignoring it. I’ve remained just as committed to avoiding

A Tribute to Generation X: How the Lawrence Welk Show and Other Childhood Traumas Prepared Us for Living Through a Pandemic

When I was 11 years old, I had an accident involving some serious facial trauma. It left me with a broken jaw and a couple of fractured adult teeth. My mom rushed me to an oral surgeon, who took some X-rays and cleared his schedule for the rest of the

A Covid Christmas Carol

“Bah humbug!” shouted Eversneezer Scrooge as he pulled into the parking lot of his corporation’s headquarters. Even though the parking space nearest the front entrance was clearly marked ‘Reserved for CEO,’ the spot was taken. With no other spaces available in the main lot, he drove down the street

Making Room For Loved Ones When You Don't See Eye to Eye

Every year when Thanksgiving arrives, I can’t help but think about William. William was one of several elderly shut-ins that my employer at the time had sponsored to receive a Thanksgiving dinner. My co-worker Misty and I stopped by the grocery store’s deli counter that morning to pick

Back to Normal: A Poem

I love you dear, but I will not hear We can't go back to normal You seem to think that everyone Is vulnerable and mortal   We did our part, and now we’re done With testing, space and masking Virtual work, school at home (Just till the threat

Meet the GERT Family

You may recognize the GERT family from your free government expired rapid tests packaging. They want to tell you all about their experiences with Covid, and what you can do to protect your family from it. Who is Guiness Pig? You can support my work by signing up for a

When Butterflies Fall by the Wayside

I was promised five butterflies. I ended up with seven. To be honest, I hadn’t planned on having any butterflies. A couple of months ago, my aunt had called me to say hello. We made small talk before she reminded me it was the birthday of her late brother,

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 5

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk. Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: Because I’m a true patriot Stranger: What Me: I’m against respiratory socialism, I’m not sharing the air

Wayside: A Serial Novel

Last month I shared in the post What Comes Next that I started work on a novel. Since it's a work in progress, I plan to share it with you as a series, one 'episode' at a time. You can read the first one here: Episode

When Comedy Speaks Truth About Covid

As a comedian, it’s been fascinating for me to observe how other comics have incorporated the topic of Covid into their material. Early in the pandemic, there were tons of jokes about our shared experiences with masking, working from home, getting vaccinated – the stuff most everyone could relate to.

#MaskholeClapback Coloring Contest for Grownups & Black Sheep T-Shirt Giveaway

Here's your latest #MaskholeClapback coloring sheet in the header of this post. I invite you to grab some crayons or colored pencils, print the picture (designed by Twitter’s very talented @KCooperHinton), and color away. If you don't have access to a printer or prefer working

It Pays to Mask

While in the throes of spring cleaning last week, I came across three $5 bills I had completely forgotten about. Finding the cash was a bit of a rush, giving me this feeling like hey, I’m $15 richer than I thought I was! Not that $15 will solve any

Mask Up Poem

Roses are red Violets are blue Birds are airborne And so is bird flu   Now mammals can get it And spread it, it’s true So please wear a mask ‘Cause we’re mammals too   By the way, SARS is airborne (That’s Covid to you) It’s finally confirmed

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 4

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk. Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: Asphalt Stranger: What Me: If you aren’t wearing a mask, it’s your ass and your fault when Covid

The #FlatBlackSheep Project & T-Shirt Giveaway

“You’re STILL not eating in restaurants?” I was asked this question by friends who had called to invite me to a party. When I mentioned that I’m still doing everything I can to avoid Covid, they suggested we meet at a restaurant instead. Baffled by whatever logic drove

A Holiday for the Covid-Conscious

Mark your calendar…. February 2nd is Covid-Conscious Community Appreciation Day (CCCAD)!  This is a new observance so here is a handy guide to answer some frequently asked questions. What is the origin of CCCAD? It’s a byproduct of an ADHD spin. I was scrolling through posts and saw a

A Bag of Dicks Won't End a Pandemic

Where do we go from here? As we push forward into year 5 of the Covid-19 pandemic, it seems like everyone is asking this question right now. Those of us who still give a damn and are trying our best to resist the ‘live with it’ approach are exhausted.  It&

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 3

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk.   *** Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: I guess you didn’t watch 60 Minutes this past weekend Stranger: No, why Me: Watch it, you’ll understand