The Guiness Pig Diaries

Movie Watch Party 11/23/24

Grab some popcorn and join me on Saturday, November 23 at 3pm ET /2pm CT/1pm MT/12 noon PT for a virtual movie watch party! This month's movie pick is "No Hard Feelings" (2023, run time 1 hr 43 min) on Netflix. You'll

Back to Normal: A Poem

I love you dear, but I will not hear We can't go back to normal You seem to think that everyone Is vulnerable and mortal   We did our part, and now we’re done With testing, space and masking Virtual work, school at home (Just till the threat

Meet the GERT Family

You may recognize the GERT family from your free government expired rapid tests packaging. They want to tell you all about their experiences with Covid, and what you can do to protect your family from it. Who is Guiness Pig? You can support my work by signing up for a

When Butterflies Fall by the Wayside

I was promised five butterflies. I ended up with seven. To be honest, I hadn’t planned on having any butterflies. A couple of months ago, my aunt had called me to say hello. We made small talk before she reminded me it was the birthday of her late brother,

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 5

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk. Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: Because I’m a true patriot Stranger: What Me: I’m against respiratory socialism, I’m not sharing the air

Wayside: A Serial Novel

Last month I shared in the post What Comes Next that I started work on a novel. Since it's a work in progress, I plan to share it with you as a series, one 'episode' at a time. You can read the first one here: Episode

When Comedy Speaks Truth About Covid

As a comedian, it’s been fascinating for me to observe how other comics have incorporated the topic of Covid into their material. Early in the pandemic, there were tons of jokes about our shared experiences with masking, working from home, getting vaccinated – the stuff most everyone could relate to.

What Comes Next

I quit. My job, that is. I didn’t want to quit. I wasn’t prepared for it. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not in any other way you might imagine. For the past 7 years I enjoyed the privilege of working from home, well before the pandemic began. The occasional

Laughing When Things Aren't Funny

Screenshot courtesy of @verygoodchat Last October, Pete Davidson delivered an uncharacteristically poignant monologue on Saturday Night Live. He spoke of the trauma of losing his father, a firefighter who died while responding to attacks on the twin towers on 9/11, and how it cast him into a deep depression

#MaskholeClapback Coloring Contest for Grownups & Black Sheep T-Shirt Giveaway

Here's your latest #MaskholeClapback coloring sheet in the header of this post. I invite you to grab some crayons or colored pencils, print the picture (designed by Twitter’s very talented @KCooperHinton), and color away. If you don't have access to a printer or prefer working

It Pays to Mask

While in the throes of spring cleaning last week, I came across three $5 bills I had completely forgotten about. Finding the cash was a bit of a rush, giving me this feeling like hey, I’m $15 richer than I thought I was! Not that $15 will solve any

Mask Up Poem

Roses are red Violets are blue Birds are airborne And so is bird flu   Now mammals can get it And spread it, it’s true So please wear a mask ‘Cause we’re mammals too   By the way, SARS is airborne (That’s Covid to you) It’s finally confirmed

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 4

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk. Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: Asphalt Stranger: What Me: If you aren’t wearing a mask, it’s your ass and your fault when Covid

The #FlatBlackSheep Project & T-Shirt Giveaway

“You’re STILL not eating in restaurants?” I was asked this question by friends who had called to invite me to a party. When I mentioned that I’m still doing everything I can to avoid Covid, they suggested we meet at a restaurant instead. Baffled by whatever logic drove

A Holiday for the Covid-Conscious

Mark your calendar…. February 2nd is Covid-Conscious Community Appreciation Day (CCCAD)!  This is a new observance so here is a handy guide to answer some frequently asked questions. What is the origin of CCCAD? It’s a byproduct of an ADHD spin. I was scrolling through posts and saw a

A Bag of Dicks Won't End a Pandemic

Where do we go from here? As we push forward into year 5 of the Covid-19 pandemic, it seems like everyone is asking this question right now. Those of us who still give a damn and are trying our best to resist the ‘live with it’ approach are exhausted.  It&

A Covid Christmas Carol

“Bah humbug!” shouted Eversneezer Scrooge as he pulled into the parking lot of his corporation’s headquarters. Even though the parking space nearest the front entrance was clearly marked ‘Reserved for CEO,’ the spot was taken. With no other spaces available in the main lot, he drove down the street

When Estrangement Makes Holidays Hurt, Making Room Can Help

Every year when Thanksgiving arrives, I can’t help but think about William. William was one of several elderly shut-ins that my employer at the time had sponsored to receive a Thanksgiving dinner. My co-worker Misty and I stopped by the grocery store’s deli counter that morning to pick

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 3

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only.  Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk.   *** Stranger: Why you wearing a mask Me: I guess you didn’t watch 60 Minutes this past weekend Stranger: No, why Me: Watch it, you’ll understand

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There's Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself - and the Shit Monster

NO CAVITIES CLUB read the sticker from my dentist.  It featured a smiling, thumbs-upping cartoon tooth that was brushing itself with a giant toothbrush.  My 7-year old self peeled it away from the wax paper strip and placed it proudly on my shirt.  Hell yeah, I was ready to walk

Black Sheep, Your Time is Coming to Shine

You’re not alone.  I feel it too.  Everything – and I mean everything – just feels heavier right now.  We’re trudging into our 5th year of the Covid-19 pandemic.  We’ve lost access to almost every bit of the data we've depended upon to inform our decisions. We&

We Had the Tools

We have the tools. Every time I hear this phrase uttered, there’s a mental image I just can’t shake. I see a bunch of tools - literal tools - piled against a wall. Hammers, pliers, saws, power drills, sandblasters, and the like. This visual comes from a real-life

#MaskholeClapbacks Volume 2

These humorous comebacks are for entertainment purposes only. Seriously, please don't engage with anyone who might put your safety at risk. *** Stranger: Why you wearing a mask, don’t you know about herd immunity Me: Oh yes, I heard immunity from past infection & vaccines wanes within months

How the Three Little Pigs Almost Learned to Live with the Big Bad Wolf

It's story time for all you grownup boys and girls! Gather 'round for the most fucked up fairy tale ever. This story makes zero sense. That's the whole point. How the Three Little Pigs Almost Learned to Live with the Big Bad Wolf Once upon