Wayside: A Serial Novel - Episode 8
This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Episode 8: Someday
September 23, 2026
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
The pounding at the villa door startled Josina awake. She rolled out of bed, throwing her hijab and robe on as she made her way to the door.
“Rise and shine!” Siado stood before her. Still in her pajamas, she was holding two take-out cups of coffee from The Black Sheep. “I come bearing gifts! Caffeine, sugar, and milk!”
“I’m certainly not going to turn that down!” Josina reached for one of the cups. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Could I come in for a minute? Just want to talk with you about something.”
“Sure.” Josina stepped aside, allowing her guest to enter.
Siado took a seat at the dining room table. Josina joined her, shoving tote bags and stacks of moving boxes aside to make room. “Sorry for the mess. I got a lot of my things moved back here to the villa the other night, but haven’t put a dent in unpacking them just yet.”
“Oh, no worries.” Siado sipped her coffee. “You and Ben – you guys are still okay, right? This isn’t like a breakup, is it?”
“No, of course not.” Josina waved her hand dismissively, laughing at the suggestion. “Like I said, we were never a couple, so it’s nothing like that. We just need our own space, you know?”
“Yeah. I understand that. Before I came to Wayside, I lived with roommates. I was pretty lucky, actually. They were great. We all got along and never had any major issues living together. But having my own home here at Wayside, where I have privacy and can make my own rules – it’s the best! I remember the day I picked up they key and moved in. Something about it felt like I was reaching a huge milestone, like I was a finally a grownup or something, you know?”
“Living independently is a huge milestone,” said Josina with a nod. “So what’s on your mind this early in the morning?”
A grin slowly spread across Siado’s face. “Remember at brunch yesterday, I mentioned Scarlett? The girl I met in New York?”
“Of course! Have you heard from her since you’ve been back home?”
“I sure have!” Siado held up her phone. “We were texting back and forth for most of the day yesterday. Then she called me last night and we talked for 6 hours straight! I haven’t even slept, Josina! It’s amazing to feel this kind of connection with someone, you know?”
Josina’s eyes widened. “Wow! That sounds pretty intense! You might want to slow down on the coffee if you’re already wired from the thrill of someone keeping you up all night!”
“You’re probably right,” she said, sipping from her cup again. “Here’s the thing… we want to spend some quality time together to see if we’re ready to take things to the next level and make it official. The problem is, she’ll be on tour in Europe for the months of October, November, and December. I offered to fly up to the city to see her, but she doesn’t have her own place yet. She lives with her older brother and his wife and they own the place, so they make the rules, and they won’t allow her to have any company. Since she got signed by a major label and started performing at bigger events and venues, she’s more widely recognized around the city. I know her brother and sister-in-law are thinking about their safety and privacy and all that, but it sucks for her to not have any say in the matter. Anyway, she suggested we meet up somewhere and just stay in a hotel. I pushed back on that idea. Other guests would likely recognize one – or both – of us, so we’d still have to worry about privacy and safety. And, I reminded her that hotels can be risky settings for me as I’m trying to avoid getting sick. She understands how important it is to me, so she wants to fly down here for a few days and visit with me at Wayside.” Siado squealed and clapped her hands with excitement.
“That’s very nice of her to offer.”
“It is, right? But here’s the problem – the 10 day quarantine. We don’t have 10 days. She leaves the country next week.”
“Oh bloody hell,” Josina frowned. “I’m so sorry. Did she seem understanding when you told her about it?”
After a long gulp of coffee, Siado placed her empty cup down on the table. “I haven’t told her about that part yet. I was hoping you could talk to Ben and see if he could make an exception? Maybe shorten quarantine to 3 or 4 days? Or just let Scarlett into Wayside if I promise to keep her quarantined at my place? Just explain the situation to him and I’m sure he’ll understand. If anyone can get through to Ben, it’s you. He totally trusts you.”
A long pause in the conversation followed. The silence was deafening.
“Are you putting me on?” Josina crossed her arms over her chest. “Come on now, you know the 10-day quarantine for guests applies to all guests of Wayside, right? There have never been any exceptions. Even Ben’s friend Kevin went through the 10-day quarantine period for a visit that lasted less than 24 hours.”
“I know, I know.” Siado sighed loudly. “It’s just too long, Josina. Most of us here at Wayside still have connections on the outside and we still want them to be a part of our lives, but most people we know can’t put their lives on hold for 10 days at a time to quarantine whenever they want to visit us. Even Su-Jin thinks the quarantine period should be shortened, and she’s our medical director. If she thinks we could do it safely, that has to be worth something.”
“I understand everything you’re saying. I really do. But if we loosen the measures that have kept us safe so far, we accept a greater risk of pathogens entering this community and causing harm. I know 10 days seems like a lot, but disability is forever. Death is forever. There are worse things than a 10 day wait. We all agreed to this when we decided to move to Wayside. When the rest of the world made the choice to live with constant exposure and the normalization of illness, we chose safety. We chose community. Those choices come at a price. We have to do the work to keep each other safe, and that includes sticking to the commitments we made to each other.”
Siado’s face fell. “So you won’t talk to Ben about making an exception, just once? Even though Scarlett will be leaving the country for the next 3 months and there’s no other way for me to safely visit with her before she goes?”
“It isn’t Ben’s decision to make.”
“Why? He owns this place, doesn’t he?”
“He owns the property, yes. But the community belongs to all of us. If any changes or exceptions are to be made, we have to make them together as a community.”
Siado’s eyes began to water. She cleared her throat. “It’s not fair. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about, Josina. Covid killed my family and it almost killed me. Then when I started masking again and trying to avoid it, I lost a lot of my friends. My girlfriend at the time dumped me. Now that I finally meet someone who’s willing to accept that I mask and still take Covid seriously, I can’t even spend time with her.”
“I’m so sorry, Siado.” For a second, Josina felt the urge to open up to her, to tell her about all the people she’d lost as well. She wanted to share how she also struggled with the trauma of loss and abandonment. Instead, she pressed her lips together, kept her thoughts to herself. Siado was hurting and needed a shoulder to cry on. Josina felt the best thing to do was listen and reassure her that her feelings mattered.
“What if Scarlett meets someone else while she’s on tour in Europe?” Siado lamented. “If she meets someone else it will kill me, Josina.”
“I can’t imagine she’d meet anyone as amazing as you are.”
“I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working. I hate this. I hate being alone. I just want someone to love me and not leave me.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, my fellow Fine Ass Lady of the Founders’ Council, I love you.” Josina rested her hand atop Siado’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “And I’m not leaving. So you better not leave me either.”
“Aww, Josina,” Siado sniffled and wiped her eyes with one of the napkins she’d picked up with the coffees. “I love you too. I love everyone here at Wayside, I really do. And I don’t know why, but sometimes you can be surrounded by people you love, and still be lonely.”
“I understand that better than you’d ever imagine.” Josina sipped her coffee. “And Ben understands too, by the way. He’s heard that single people have been having a hard time meeting others and starting relationships here at Wayside. And he knows many people here still have loved ones, and even love interests outside of Wayside. I’m glad you and Bellamy brought it up yesterday at brunch. We should talk about it at our next Founders’ Council meeting. I don’t know if the answer is to shorten the quarantine period for guests or come up with new ideas for helping people stay connected to loved ones outside of Wayside, but I know we’re creative and resourceful enough to figure it out together.”
“Yeah,” Siado nodded. “I’m sure we’ll come up with a better way someday. It just sucks because I need it now.” She crushed her empty coffee cup and tossed it into the recycling bin of the nearby kitchen.
“I know 10 days seems like a long time. And 3 months sounds like an eternity. But time passes by no matter what we do. People who care about you and who want to be a part of your life will wait for you, however long it takes. They’ll jump through whatever hoops they have to in order to be close to you. Have faith in yourself, Siado. You have to believe you’re worth it. It seems like Scarlett does. I can’t imagine she’d be willing to give up a full night’s sleep for just anyone.”
“But we’re going to be apart for so long! Even if she doesn’t meet someone else, she still might lose interest in me. What will I do then?”
“Then you’d have a broken heart for a little while. But it would heal, and you would move on. You’re one of the bravest, strongest, most resilient people I know. Someone will see all those same things in you. They’ll realize how amazing you are, and they’ll love you with all their heart. Maybe that person is Scarlett. Or maybe it’s someone you have yet to meet. It will happen for you someday, maybe when you least expect it.”
Siado jolted up out of her chair, nearly knocking it over. She paced around the room. “I never expected to meet Scarlett when I did. I wasn’t looking for anyone. Neither was she. But we’ve fallen for each other, and now we have to spend all this time apart. I just want to be with her now.”
“Listen,” Josina cajoled her. “I know your feelings for each other are very intense right now. And I know it probably feels like you’ve learned everything you need to know about each other after spending all night on the phone. But the truth is, it takes time to get to know someone. You and Scarlett can still call and text each other while she’s away, right? You’ve got all kinds of technology you can use to stay connected. You can still be present for each other and be part of each other’s lives even if you’re not in the same place. don’t you think?”
Siado gave a half-hearted nod. “Maybe. I don’t know. Our careers are taking off and we’ll both be spending a lot of time on our music. I’ll be recording and performing in New York City, and she’ll be traveling from city to city to do shows and media appearances all over Europe. We’ll be in different time zones. It will be hard.”
“Hard doesn’t mean impossible. If you care about each other and you want to be a part of each other’s lives, you’ll both make the time. You’ll find a way to make it work.”
“I hope so. You make it sound so simple.”
“It is that simple. Just because everything doesn’t fall into place today doesn’t mean it won’t happen someday. It takes time, and it takes work to build a relationship. Don’t you think you’re worth it?”
“Maybe.”
“No! Not maybe!” Josina pounded her fist on the table. “You’re Siado Martinez, for fuck’s sake! You’re a brilliant, talented musician who won the world over on YouTube, then blazed a trail to a recording deal with a major label, all on your own terms. You’ve resisted tremendous pressure to unmask like the rest of your peers, and you’ve stood your ground and fought for precautions to protect yourself in public at your performances. You’re the youngest, and coolest member of our Founders’ Council, and you’re loved by everyone here. And you’re my friend, Siado. You’re very important to me. Don’t you dare say ‘maybe.’ You know better!”
Amused by Josina’s show of support, Siado laughed softly. “Okay, okay! I’m worth it.”
“That’s more like it!” Josina raised her coffee cup. “Cheers to you!”
“Cheers to me,” Siado relented with a half-hearted smile. “Thanks for the pep talk, and for listening to me. I should head back home and get a shower, put some clothes on.”
“Or get some sleep, since you’ve been up all night.”
“That’s exactly what my mom would say.”
“Well then, I’d say it’s solid advice.” Josina followed her to the door, giving her a quick hug.
Siado lingered in the doorway. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Sure.”
“I know you and Ben have never been together romantically, but why not?”
Josina shrugged. “I wish I had a good answer for you. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should find out.” Siado smiled playfully. “Don’t you think you’re worth it?”
Josina’s eyes widened. “Maybe.”
“Wrong answer! Don’t make me come back inside and school you on the right one.”
“You’re right. Yes,” Josina said softly. “You know… you just made me realize there’s something I need to do.”
“Talk to Ben?”
“No. I mean yes, I’m planning to talk to Ben. But before that, there’s something else I really need to do. I’m not sure I would have figured it out on my own, so thank you.”
“Carry on, then.” Siado gave Josina a playful salute, then stepped outside.
Josina closed the door behind her. As she returned to the table to finish her coffee, her phone rang.
It was Ben.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Jo? Hi. How are you?” Ben sounded nervous, upset.
“I’m fine. How are you?” She did her best to sound cheerful.
“I miss you.”
Suddenly, her throat was tight. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest. She swallowed, took a deep breath, then did her best to sound normal. “I miss you too, Benjamin. But we’ll adjust. It will just take some time.”
“Can we meet today? I can come over to the villa. Or we could get lunch at The Black Sheep. There’s nothing pressing in terms of work, but I really need to talk to you.”
“Oh? About what?”
“A lot of things, actually.”
She paused before speaking. “I’m sorry to ask, but can it wait a little while? I need to leave Wayside for a bit.”
“What? Why?”
“There’s something important I have to do.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know. A week, perhaps? Maybe a bit more. I’ll let you know if I need to be gone longer.”
“Okay. Is… is everything okay, Jo?” Ben asked. “Are we okay?”
Josina felt the knot in her throat double in size. She could feel his confusion, his heartache. She felt guilty, knowing she was responsible for his pain. “Yes, of course we are. There’s just something I need to do for myself. As soon as I’m done, I’ll be back. We can get together and talk then.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Josina almost broke into tears. “No,” she lied. “I’ll be fine on my own. You stay here and take care of Wayside. I promise I’ll let you know the minute I’m back.”
“Be safe, Jo. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Take care, Benjamin.” She disconnected the call, taking deep breaths until her heartbeat slowed and the pressure in her throat subsided.
Then she pulled her suitcase from the closet and started packing.
***
After a shower and a quick breakfast, Ben stepped outside. He started down the paved trail toward the north side of Wayside. He hoped a brisk walk would help to clear his head. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so overwhelmed. His mind was reeling.
Kevin. He wished he’d been kinder to him. He wished he’d been more welcoming.
Josina. He couldn’t help but feel he’d done something wrong, that he had hurt her in some way.
The interview. Already, calls and emails were coming in with requests for follow-up interviews, on-site visits.
Olivia. They’d talked at length after he called her back. He understood her struggles. He wanted to help her.
Marisol. Ben missed his mother. He wondered what kind of scorecard God had kept on her. He wondered where her soul had landed in the universe. He wondered if he’d see her again someday.
Ben walked and walked, marveling at how complex his world had suddenly become. He needed someone to talk to.
Pray, his mother had taught him throughout her life. Ask God to make a way.
He stopped walking, closed his eyes. and took several deep breaths. He tried to imagine the giant, illuminated head of God shining through the clouds, ear turned toward Ben to listen.
“I could use a little help,” he whispered. “I need someone to talk to. Please.”
To his surprise, the sound of footsteps followed.
Slap, slap, slap, slap.
Flip-flops on pavement. Light, quick steps. He knew who it was before he even opened his eyes.
“Good morning, Reese.” Ben lit up with a smile at the sight of her. In contrast to the flip-flops and her damp hair that hung loosely down her back, she was dressed warmly in a purple sweatsuit.
“Hey Ben!” She waved at him as she approached.
“Early morning swim?”
“Heck yeah. Wayside Waterpark is the best kept secret in this entire place, you know. You should come swim with me sometime. It’s always deserted early in the morning and late at night.”
“Maybe someday,” Ben said with a grin.
Suddenly, his mind returned to the day after the auction, when he and Josina did their initial walk-through of the entire campus. He carried a clipboard for taking notes while she snapped pictures and videos. Together, they dreamed out loud, envisioning how they could shape the property into a residential community. One of the first spots they visited was a high-rise hotel which had catered to families visiting the park. Behind the property was a hidden gem they hadn’t read about in the marketing materials for YOLO, nor had it been mentioned in the detailed listing of the property auction.
There, Ben and Josina discovered an Olympic-size pool, a children’s pool with a waterfall and waterslides, and a lazy river surrounding the hotel property – all with heating systems for year-round use. They later learned the hotel’s waterpark had been shut down after two children had been thrown from the log flume ride in the park and drowned. The park’s previous owners had closed all water attractions, hoping to avoid further liability. Plans were in place to bulldoze the waterpark down the following year, but YOLO’s climbing death toll made it clear that the safety hazards and threats to life weren’t limited to water attractions. The park’s permanent closure followed shortly after, sparing the waterpark from destruction.
Ben and Josina were thrilled with their unexpected find. Once the accumulated rainwater and environmental debris were removed, structural repairs were made, the pools were filled and the waterpark was back in operation. Reese had been one of the first to take a dip, returning daily since she’d moved to Wayside. Other residents frequented the waterpark during the sweltering days of summer, but few took advantage of it in the off-season, which was fine with Reese. She enjoyed the quiet and reveled in the luxury of having the pool to herself in the cooler months of fall and winter.
“How are you this morning?” Reese asked as she approached.
“I’m okay.”
“Just okay?”
“Yeah,” Ben looked down at the pavement. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
She waited until he looked up again, smiling warmly when his eyes met hers. “Would you like to talk about it?”
“I would, actually.”
“I’m free right now if you are. Shall we take a walk and chat?”
“Sure,” said Ben. He glanced around, checked his watch, then looked at Reese. “Why don’t we go to Wayside’s other best kept secret?”
Reese’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. It’s been a while since I was there last, so I need to do a quick check of the property anyway. Let’s head that way.”
Facing north, they followed the paved walking trail till it diverged. One fork led toward the healthcare center; the other led them through the woods, pavement ending abruptly where a hiking trail began. They followed it for several minutes until they reached a large, wrought-iron gate. Ben retrieved a keycard from his pocket and waved it over an electronic sensor on the gate doors. The gate swung open with a loud, metallic clack clack sound.
Ben and Reese entered, closing the gates behind them. They followed the trail as it continued beyond the gate and through another short stretch of woods. A moment later, they arrived at a stadium-sized clearing. They trudged through a ridge of overgrown grass around the perimeter, proceeding into the clearing.
Awaiting them were 12 of the rides from the former YOLO Park. Most had come from the YOLO Kids section of the park, so the heights and speeds of the rides were adjusted accordingly. A train, tilt-a-whirl, rocking pirate ship, carnival swings, and other child-friendly rides were stationed around an ornate merry-go-round in the middle of the clearing.
It had been Josina’s idea, to preserve some of the park’s attractions for Waysiders to enjoy. The dialed-down intensity of the children’s rides made them significantly less risky for riders with cardiovascular and neurological conditions. Ben smiled at the memory of her pausing their walk-through to climb onto a white horse on the merry-go-round. “We have to keep this,” she’d told him. “We have to hold onto some of the joy, some of the magic of this place!”
They’d found the perfect spot for the rides in the wooded, undeveloped north end of the park. The ground had been cleared and leveled, the rides were moved to the new space, and an additional gate was added around the enclosure to keep the area secure. Before they could officially open the mini-amusement park within Wayside, they needed an inspector from the state to come onsite and certify the rides were mechanically and structurally sound. Ben and Josina had put in the request more than a year ago, but had been given the run-around every time they’d followed up.
Upon seeing the rides for the first time, Reese squealed. “This is so cool!”
Ben smiled proudly. “I’m hoping it won’t be much longer before we can get an official blessing from the state. Till then, we can’t open the gates to Waysiders and let them in to enjoy the rides.”
“Ugh,” said Reese. “I always think about what Einstein said about bureaucracy. It’s the death of achievement.”
Laughing, Ben nodded. “Those are frighteningly accurate words.”
“You know, I have a friend who works for the state. A bureaucrat, but one of the good ones. I can reach out to him and see if he can pull any strings.”
“It certainly can’t hurt,” Ben responded.
“I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, can we ride one of the rides?” Reese begged. “Please please? I promise not to say a word whenever a state inspector finally makes an appearance.” She dragged her index finger and thumb across her lips as if zipping her mouth closed.
“Just one,” Ben laughed.
Reese made a beeline for the merry-go-round. Ben followed her, stepping into the operator booth and powering the ride on. Seeing that the console had Bluetooth connectivity, he paired his phone to the sound system.
“Any preference for music?”
“Ummm…. Something from the 90s?” Reese replied.
Ben searched for ‘90s’ in his music library and pressed ‘play’ on the list his phone had populated for him. He laughed as a song by the Beastie Boys came blasting through the speakers. Next, he pressed the button to start the ride, setting the timer at 15 minutes. He stepped onto the carousel platform as the ride lurched into motion. Reese sat down on one of the benches mounted to the platform. Weaving through the rows of painted fiberglass horses, Ben made his way to the bench and joined her.
“Nineties, huh?” He asked.
“Yeah. Not that it was a particularly enriching decade for music in America – perhaps the opposite,” she laughed. “The 90s were the best years of my life so far, so even if some of the music from that era is garbage, it reminds me of a time when I was really happy.”
“Makes sense.” Ben bobbed his head to the beat of the song while the carousel spun them around at a gentle, measured pace.
Reese turned slightly toward him. “What about you? What was the happiest time in your life?”
He gazed off into the distance, scratching his chin while pondering an answer to Reese’s question. “Honestly? The first couple of years of the pandemic.”
“Really?” Reese asked with surprise.
“Without a doubt. I don’t miss any of the horrors of that first wave of Covid, but I miss how committed everyone was to staying safe and protecting each other. I miss how quiet and calm the world seemed to be for a while. I miss my mom, mostly. She got Covid mid-2020 and it left her bedbound. Thankfully, it was around the time my father died and left me with my inheritance, so I was able to keep her at home and hire Jo to take care of her. Once she moved in with us, it changed everything. I’d been so stressed over taking care of my mom all by myself; I didn’t know what I was doing and was so scared I might hurt her more than I was helping her. Jo took all that worry away, so I was able to just relax and enjoy being present for my mom during the time she had left. I was always impressed at how good Jo was with my mom. She brought a lot of joy to her in the last year of her life.” Then added in almost a whisper, “And she brought a lot of joy to me, too.”
Reese listened thoughtfully. “That’s lovely, Ben. I know you and Josina are very important to each other.”
He nodded. “She’s normally the one I would talk to when I have a lot on my mind, but she moved out. She asked for some space.”
“That’s a big change. How are you feeling about it?”
“Not good,” he replied, his brow furrowing with concern.
“Have you told her that?”
“I want to. And I will. But I’ll have to wait for a while. She’s leaving Wayside for a little bit.”
“What?” Reese jolted upright, her posture stiffening, her eyes wide with concern.
“Just for a week, maybe a little bit longer,” Ben clarified. “She said she had something she needed to do outside of Wayside, but she’ll let me know as soon as she’s back and we can talk then.”
“I see,” said Reese, relaxing a bit. “Any idea what she needs to do?”
He shook his head. “No. She didn’t say, and I’m no good at guessing. Maybe she’ll share when she gets back to Wayside, whenever we’re finally able to talk. I just have to be patient and wait until then.”
They rode the merry-go-round in silence for a long moment.
“It’s complicated,” Ben added as an afterthought.
“Most meaningful relationships are,” Reese observed.
Ben cleared his throat. “There’s a new… relationship, I guess you could call it that. Someone I met yesterday. Also complicated.”
“Okay,” said Reese. “Tell me about it.”
“Her name is Olivia. She’s 25 years old. I met her online. I don’t normally talk to people online outside of the Waysidr app, but this was an unusual situation. There was something about her that just sort of pulled me in.”
Reese absorbed Ben’s words. “What do you think it was?”
“I’m not sure, Reese. There’s just something familiar about her. I can’t explain it. I can’t think of a situation in which our paths might have crossed, but that feeling is undeniable. She’s an only child, raised by a single mother, never met her father. Her mother is seriously ill and Olivia is her caregiver. She’s isolating at home now to protect her. Once her mother dies, Olivia will be all alone”
“So far everything you’ve said about this girl follows your own life story to a T,” Reese interjected. “You realize that, right? Could that be why she seems so familiar?”
He paused to ponder the connections she had made. “Maybe. We do have a lot in common. But honestly, I felt that way just from looking at her picture, before we actually talked on a videocall.”
“I see. What did the two of you talk about?”
“Olivia told me she was lonely and she just needed a friend to talk to. She used to teach elementary school and loved it, but quit because she kept bringing home illnesses that made her mother even sicker than she already was. She’s in her twenties and she’s wanting to date and have a social life, which is damn near impossible in that situation. It’s so unfair, Reese. She’s trying to do the right thing but she’s all alone. I couldn’t help but think that she and her mother belong here at Wayside, with us. So I invited her to come visit. I told her that if she likes it here, she could apply to be a resident, bring her mother in as a dependent, and I could try to help expedite the process.”
“Well, that’s a big deal,” said Reese. “What about her mother? Would Olivia bring her for the visit?”
“I extended the invitation to her mother as well, but Olivia thinks it would be stressful to try and bring her here for a 10-day quarantine. I offered to pay for an in-home caregiver. She was worried about keeping her mother safe from any new exposures if there’s someone new in the home. I told her I could send her respirators and Covid/Flu tests for the caregiver to use. Olivia said she needed to sleep on it. We’re supposed to talk again later today.”
“That’s very generous of you, Ben. It sounds like you feel a great deal of empathy for this young lady. I can tell you really want to help her and her mother.”
“I do. It’s so rare to meet someone outside of Wayside who’s trying to keep themselves and others safe from infectious diseases, so it seems serendipitous that we connected and spoke.”
“Yeah,” Reese paused to gather her thoughts. “If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of site or app was it where you met her?”
“A dating app, actually,” said Ben.
“Oh?” Reese was newly intrigued. “Let me guess… the ‘Not Gonna Settle’ app, right?”
“Yes. I wasn’t on it to meet people though,” explained Ben. “I’ve been thinking about building a dating app specifically for Covid-Conscious singles, so I set up a user account just to get a feel for what kinds of features and functionality I could replicate on a custom app for our community. Wait, how did you guess?”
“I saw it on your phone, actually, during the ‘Chat with Chatleigh’ interview. When the camera zoomed in to show the Wayside communications app, ‘Not Gonna Settle’ was right beside it.”
“Really?” Ben took out his phone and scrolled through the long list of apps on his homescreen until he found the ‘Not Gonna Settle’ app. “You’re right. I wonder how many people noticed?”
“Who knows,” said Reese. “The camera didn’t linger on your phone for very long, and the interview was directing attention toward our Wayside app, so that’s probably what most people were focusing on. I imagine most viewers paid no mind to the dating app.”
“Unless,” Ben sighed loudly, “they’re here at Wayside. Seems like we have a higher concentration of detail-oriented folks in our community.”
Reese nodded. “Indeed. Those of us on the spectrum are plentiful here. A strong attention to detail is usually part of the package.”
“Yeah. My mind was preoccupied with other things during the livecast the other night. I wasn’t really paying close attention, otherwise I might have seen it too.”
They fell into silence again, content with the slow, continuous motion of the merry-go-round.
“Reese?” Ben asked after a few minutes had passed, “how did you find out you were autistic?”
“I got a diagnosis. I had always struggled with fitting in at school as a kid, and it got way worse when I was a teenager. I was bullied relentlessly in high school. Even though I carried a 4.0 GPA and never struggled with academics, I wanted to drop out. My parents finally started me in counseling during my senior year. It took me a while to open up to the therapist and trust that she had my best interests at heart, but when I finally felt comfortable with being transparent about my thoughts and feelings and behaviors, it changed everything. It was validating to learn that I had a disability, to give it a name, and to find out that there were plenty of other people just like me in the world. My therapist had a poster of Albert Einstein in her office. When she told me it was widely believed that he was autistic, that changed everything for me. Einstein was a genius. He saw the world in an unconventional way and was able to make connections that everyone else missed. So much of what we understand about life, about the universe, is because of him and the fact that he could always see the bigger picture. It made me realize my disability came with abilities that other people didn’t have. It allowed me to like myself, to love myself, which had been hard up until that point since so many of my peers had rejected me.”
“Let me guess, that took place in the 90s,” Ben pondered as the Beastie Boys song blasting through the speakers finally faded out. Next up was a catchy tune by Mariah Carey. “Am I right?”
“You’re a sharp one, Mr. Santos. That’s correct.”
“I suspect I’m autistic too, but I’ve never been assessed.”
“It’s not too late, you know. If you think it would help for you to have some external validation, you can start with the therapists at the healthcare center.”
Ben gave a slight shrug. “Honestly, it’s not that important to me at the moment. The more pressing issue I’m struggling with? I think I’m having a crisis of faith.”
“A crisis of faith?” Reese repeated. “I can relate to that too.”
“Wait, what?” Ben turned toward her. “So it happens to chaplains too?”
“You have no idea,” Reese rolled her eyes, laughed softly. “We can save my story for later. I want to hear the rest of yours. Where were we? Oh yes – we were talking about the ‘Not Gonna Settle’ app being visible on your phone during the livecast of the interview.”
“Yeah. The implications of that are just now starting to hit me. Wayside has been getting a lot of attention since the interview aired. If people think I’m single and looking for someone to date, that could stir things up.”
“Very true. Have you considered Olivia might have seen the interview and might know more about you than she’s letting on?”
“No. I really don’t think that’s the case. I had set up a profile with very little information and didn’t upload any pictures. There’s nothing which would make it easy to identify me.” Ben opened the ‘Not Gonna Settle’ app on his phone and found Olivia’s message in his inbox. He tilted the screen toward Reese so she could see as well. “Besides, she messaged me two weeks ago, way before the interview aired.”
Reese leaned in to glance at his phone. “So that’s her picture with the message?”
“Yes.”
“She looks like a sweet kid,” said Reese.
Ben nodded. “She seems to be.”
“It looks like you got some other messages. Have you taken a look at those?”
Ben closed Olivia’s message to return to his inbox in the app. “These are all likely from spammers or scammers,” Ben said.
“How can you tell?”
“There’s no profile picture and the usernames are random strings of letters and numbers. Like this one,” he said, opening the top message in his inbox. “See, no pic, and the username is CNN120282.”
“May I take a look?” Reese extended her index finger, motioning toward his phone.
“Sure.” Ben allowed her to scroll and look through the messages. “That CNN120282 user has actually messaged you multiple times, also prior to the interview. Although it looks like the most recent message was sent yesterday.” She tapped one of the messages to open it. They stared down at the screen.
BEWARE OF NEW FRIENDS
AND OLD FRIENDS TOO
BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST!!!
“Whoa,” said Reese. “That’s unsettling.”
“Don’t let it scare you. This is exactly what scammers do. They send out messages like this one, which sounds vaguely like a warning, and it’s written in all caps to cause a strong emotional reaction, like panic. It’s a scammer hoping they’ll make someone scared or worried or curious enough to reply to ask for more information. Once you start engaging with whomever is on the other end of the communication, you’ve fallen into their trap.”
“I hear you. It’s just a bit eerie, considering the circumstances. You just had one old friend come to visit, now a new one might be coming to see you.”
“That’s why it’s genius on the part of the scammers. They keep the message short and vague, never going into details. It’s because they know anyone and everyone who reads the message will find it relatable. Imagine if someone sent you this same message. Don’t you have new friends and old friends? Wouldn’t it resonate with you if someone suggested to you that you should be careful who you trust?”
“I see what you’re saying. Yeah.” She moved her hand away from the phone. “So what’s the plan if Olivia wants to move forward with the visit? She finds a caregiver for her mother, you send her money, masks and tests, she quarantines for 10 days at Gateway Lodge, then what?”
“Then she’d come stay at my place. In Jo’s bedroom, which will be the guest room once the rest of her things are moved out.” Ben’s voice warbled. He looked away from Reese long enough to brush his hand over his eyes. “Once she’s settled in, I’d show her around Wayside. I’d take her to look at housing units that are set up for in-home care with hospital beds and equipment, so she could see that she’d have a place to care for her mother here. I’d ask Jessica to let her spend some time shadowing teachers at the Academy, to see if she could envision herself teaching there someday. And I’d see if Siado might be willing to spend some time with her and introduce her to some Waysiders her own age. If she felt like she could have a social life here, I’m sure it would mean a lot to her.”
Reese nodded. “Forgive me for asking this question, but there’s no romantic interest on your part, right?”
“No. I’m not looking to date anyone or start any new relationships. Even if I was, she’s just a kid, like you said. It never even crossed my mind.”
“And she’s aware of that?”
“Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”
“You met on a dating site,” Reese said with a smile. “A lot of folks on dating sites say they’re looking for friendship, but they’re really hoping for and expecting more.”
“I’m not expecting more. I’ve made that clear. I don’t believe Olivia has any such expectations either. I think it will be okay. She’s just a kid who’s trying to survive and take care of her family out there, and everything is stacked against her. We’re in a position to help her. So we should. We have to try.”
“You feel an obligation to her,” said Reese.
“I do.” Ben wiped his eyes again. “Which brings me to the spiritual crisis, I suppose.”
“I’m all ears.”
He took a deep breath, then exhaled with a sigh. “My mother raised me Catholic. I was baptized as a baby and made it as far as my first communion when I was 7 years old. But the church scared the hell out of me, Reese. I remember sitting in that big chapel as a child, just completely overwhelmed. The strong smell of incense, the loud pipe organ, those uncomfortable wooden pews and kneelers, and to top it all off, there was a giant statue of Jesus hanging on a cross at the front of the church. That was the image I fixated on the entire time I was there; the broken body of a man who was brutally murdered by the same people he had fed, healed, defended, and ultimately saved from damnation. I know the story didn’t end with the crucifixion, but the visual reminder of what had happened to Jesus after he spent his life helping others was burned into my brain. When I told my mother how much is scared me, she tried, for a while, to keep taking me to mass thinking I’d eventually become desensitized. I never did. I’d close my eyes and squirm around in my seat throughout the services. Sometimes I’d hum or make noises, trying to block out the sermons. Other times I’d cry. After a few more months of me being all stressed out and disruptive every time we set foot in the church, she finally realized it was doing more harm than good. She stopped taking me.”
“My God, Ben. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay that it happened to you. Religious trauma can cause lifelong harm. It can affect you in ways you don’t even realize.”
“It wasn’t just about the church,” Ben continued. “My mom contributed in her own way. I think she felt conflicted about herself for much of her life. She was a good person and a wonderful mother to me, but I don’t think she ever forgave herself for having had an affair with my father. She felt guilty that I was a secret she had to keep hidden, that I had to grow up without a dad in my life. When I was younger and we still went to mass, she would pray, she would give confession, she would tremble and weep while singing hymns about God’s forgiveness. I don’t think she could trust that she was forgiven, though. Maybe she needed the rituals and the authority of the church to feel that reassurance. All I know is that when she had to choose between remaining in the church, or prioritizing my wellbeing, she chose me. But she still felt the need for atonement, and I think the way she went about it was by raising me with a very rigid moral code. She taught me to give more than I take, and to never take more than I need. She taught me that promises are sacred and should never be broken. And she taught me that if someone asks for help, and I have the means to help them, it is a sin to say no.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a little kid.”
“She wanted me to be a better man than my father was. I never met him so I wasn’t able to form any opinion of him myself. I just knew that he’d done plenty of terrible things. Yet half of who I am came from him, so I grew up wondering if some part of me was inherently bad too. Like maybe I was just a ticking time bomb, and someday, without warning, I’d morph into the very monster my mother had tried to save me from becoming. As a child I’d always felt different, always knew I was different, and I worried that was why. But I also wondered if it was because I was autistic, as some of my teachers and fellow students had suggested over the years. Whenever the topic of autism came up, my mother would insist that I was perfect just the way God made me. She didn’t want me to change, didn’t want a diagnosis, didn’t want services, didn’t want that to be part of my identity at all. To make matters more complicated, my father died and left all of his wealth to me. I was raised to believe billionaires are bad people, then I became one overnight. I’ve tried to be selfless and do good things with my money, but I still have more than I need and that makes me uncomfortable. It flies in the face of everything I’ve been taught. I’ve spent my whole life feeling conflicted about myself. Like I don’t know who I really am, and don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.”
“Wow.” Reese let out a loud sigh. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
He glanced her way. “It’s easier to wake up each day and do all the things I was taught to do, rather than seek out those answers about who I am. That’s literally how I’ve lived my life since my childhood, Reese. I give more than I take. I always keep my promises. I help others whenever and however I can, but especially when I’m asked. Then it becomes a duty.”
“I can see that.”
“I’m starting to understand that living this way has come at a cost for me. I know it will cost me even more as time marches on. If I close my eyes, I can still see that statue of Jesus hanging on a cross, beaten, bloodied, cut open, left for dead. It’s burned into my brain like a cautionary tale. Unbridled benevolence is impractical. This world is too cynical and it rejects what it doesn’t understand.”
“I can’t argue with that. The world could certainly use more people who follow the example of Jesus Christ, but benevolence without boundaries is impractical.” Reese sighed loudly. “Wow, this is some heavy shit, Ben.”
Her words caught him off guard. He laughed, grateful for the levity. “Are chaplains allowed to say that?” He chided her. “Does God allow you a set number of cuss words each month, or do you just get blanket forgiveness as an occupational benefit?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I don’t believe in God.”
Ben blinked several times. “What? Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. A little known fact – you don’t have to be a theist to become ordained. Everyone needs emotional and spiritual support, regardless of their beliefs. At an early age, I felt called to minister to others, so I spent years searching for God. There were times when I thought I had found him. Or her. Or them. But circumstances would change, my beliefs would be shaken, and I’d feel like I had to start all over again. I finally realized that in my quest to seek out the creator of the universe and prepare for the afterlife, I was missing out on making a difference in the present. We all have the ability to create a better world, a better reality than the one we inherited. Life can be heaven on earth in the here and now if we choose to make it that way. The arrival of the pandemic brought a lot of clarity for me, Ben. I embraced the discomfort of not having all the answers. I let go of the idea that I needed to put all my faith and trust in a deity that exists outside of us and beyond us, yet has complete power over us; that it supposedly loves us unconditionally, yet would allow evil and cruelty to thrive while the innocent and compassionate suffer. I don’t believe in that concept of God. I believe in people.”
Ben made eye contact with her, blinked a few times, then looked away. “People can be awful.”
“I know,” said Reese. “But people can also be wonderful. Just look at where we are. Look at what a beautiful thing we’ve done together. Wayside is nothing short of a miracle. It took a lot of good people to make this happen.”
“How do you know there wasn’t a higher power working through us?”
“Oh, there most certainly was. Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I believe we’re all connected by a collective consciousness, a universal presence. We’re all bound by the same spirit; we belong to each other and we’re accountable to each other. If I harm others, I harm myself. If I love others, I love myself. We’re all creators of our own destinies. We’re the answer to our own prayers.”
“That’s beautiful,” he whispered. “I still believe in God. Even though church terrified me. Even though I worry that trying to emulate Jesus is asking for trouble. Even when there’s no logical explanation for why God would allow good people to suffer and evil to thrive. I hope you don’t think it’s naïve of me.”
“Not at all. It took many different paths to bring us all to Wayside,” said Reese. “There’s truth and wisdom in every single one.”
“You know, there are times when I’m on the verge of losing my faith, and then something unexpected happens that restores it. Just like today. When we met on the walkway today, I was praying.”
“What were you praying for?”
“For a friend. I really needed someone to talk to. So I prayed,” Ben said with a smile. “And then there was you.”
“Amazing,” Reese whispered as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “That gave me chills.”
They rode the merry-go-round until the ride slowed to a stop.
Ben glanced at his watch. “We should get going. I can’t thank you enough, Reese. I know this didn’t solve any of my problems but it really helped me to talk things out.”
“It helped me too, Ben. Maybe we should do this again soon. Merry-go-round talk therapy.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Before we go, would you like to pray together?” Reese asked.
Ben paused to consider her invitation. “How does prayer work when you don’t believe in God?”
“Anyone and everyone can pray. You know what the simplest definition of a prayer is? It’s an earnest hope, wish, or intention. You believe in God. And I believe in you. That’s what matters. So if you don’t feel it would be disingenuous, I’d like to speak my hopes and wishes for you. Would that be okay, if I say a prayer?”
“I’d like that,” said Ben. “But instead of me, will you pray for Josina?”
“You’re in luck,” said Reese. She faced him and clasped her hands around his. “There’s a two for one special today, my friend. I’m going to pray for both of you.”
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